More Americans are living without children than ever before. According to recent demographic studies, nearly half of adults ages 18-49 report it's unlikely they will have children, a dramatic increase from just a decade ago. For some, this is a choice made with careful consideration. For others, it's the result of circumstances - career timing, partner availability (or rather lack of availability), or economic constraints.
But regardless of how one arrives at a child-free life, the social pressures remain intense, and questions about fulfillment and future security loom large.
These modern concerns would have felt familiar to an ancient Greek philosopher who faced similar questions about his unconventional lifestyle choice. Epicurus, founder of one of the ancient world's most influential (though now obscure) philosophical schools, never married nor had children. Neither did any of his three brothers; they chose instead to dedicate themselves to him and his philosophy. In an era when family continuation was considered not just a social duty but a religious one, this was a radical departure from the norm.
What makes Epicurus's choice particularly fascinating is that it wasn't just a personal preference - it was a philosophical position. According to ancient biographer Diogenes Laertius, Epicurus explicitly taught that "the wise man would not marry and rear children," though he allowed that there might be special circumstances where marriage could be acceptable.
This was a striking stance for his era, when having children was seen as essential for old-age security and social standing. Epicurus was advocating for a deliberate choice to step away from these conventional expectations.
Why No Kids?
His philosophical justification for this position was multifaceted. At the heart of Epicurean philosophy was the pursuit of a state of tranquility and freedom from anxiety. Epicurus argued that the deepest pleasures came not from fleeting physical sensations or societal status, but from friendship and intellectual community. He recognized that marrying and raising children wasn’t the most conducive to a peaceful life of contemplation, not because family life was inherently problematic, but because societal expectations around it could create unnecessary anxiety and distraction.
Instead of traditional family bonds, Epicurus emphasized friendship with an intensity that set his philosophy apart. He famously declared, "Of all the things which wisdom provides to make life entirely happy, much the greatest is the possession of friendship." To prove his point, Epicurus created a real-world alternative to conventional family structure through his Garden.
The Garden was revolutionary for its time. Located in Athens, it welcomed both men and women as equals - extraordinary in ancient Greece. Members shared resources, supported each other, and engaged in philosophical discourse.
They grew their own food, lived simply, and created a sustainable model of mutual support. In essence, Epicurus and his followers built what we might today call a “chosen family.”
But what about the very real concern of aging without children? Here, Epicurus's community model is particularly relevant. The Garden wasn't just a school; it was a lifelong support system. Members cared for each other in illness and old age, shared resources, and ensured that no one faced life's challenges alone.
We know from historical records that Epicurus provided in his will for the continued care of his community members after his death. He meant for the community to go on for the mutual support of all its members. Followers would continue this tradition for centuries after his death.
What If I Do Want Kids?
It's crucial to understand that Epicurus never forbade marriage or children. The Garden community included couples, and Epicurus clearly accepted that people would form partnerships and have families. What made his position radical was not an opposition to family life, but rather his rejection of it as a moral obligation. Unlike other ancient philosophers such as Pythagoras, who argued that people should have children to create more servants for the gods, Epicurus held that no such divine or social duty existed.
This position resonates strongly with modern research on happiness and life satisfaction. Contemporary studies consistently show that raising children can significantly impact one's tranquility - what Epicurus would have called ataraxia. While parents report moments of intense joy and meaning, they also experience higher levels of daily stress and anxiety. This isn't to suggest that parents can't be good Epicureans or find genuine happiness - many clearly do. Rather, it validates Epicurus's core insight: that having children should be a conscious choice, not an obligation.
For modern readers facing societal pressure about their child-free status, Epicurus offers several valuable insights. First, he demonstrates that questioning traditional family structures isn't new - people have been making this choice and building alternative support systems for millennia. Second, his emphasis on intentional community suggests that family-like bonds can be created through shared values and chosen connections, not just biological ties.
Take Comfort: You Aren’t Alone
The growing number of adults without children today might find comfort in knowing they're not alone historically in this choice. Epicurus showed that it's possible to build a life of deep connection, security, and philosophical satisfaction outside traditional family structures. His Garden community offers a compelling model for thinking about how we might create new forms of support and belonging in our own era.
Most importantly, Epicurus challenges us to examine what truly brings contentment. His philosophy suggests that peace of mind comes not from meeting societal expectations but from building meaningful connections and living according to one's considered choices. This remains remarkably relevant in an era when many feel pressured to follow traditional life scripts despite changing social and economic realities.
Ειρήνη και Ασφάλεια
Peace and Safety
Seems a bit tiring and uninspired to think about "pro" or "anti" natalism as any sort of guide to whether or not to have a child.
As a Dad to two young kids myself, children are simply a peculiar form of Friendship if you can think about the nature of relationships outside of the norm. My kids give me an enormous philosophical benefit as ever present and urgent reason for which to philosophize practically and in the deeply personal why in which Epicureans ought to. Responsibility, rather than the mere vain ideations of power, can be a force in ones life to achieve maturation and virtue. The kids are also endless founts of joy, laughter and worthy reasons to contribute at all to community or "society" or claim a stake in it in any way. Fellow like-minded parents are also shoe-ins for Epicurean friendships where the foundations of such are on the stability of exchanging parenting duties and building the "village". Most relationships not grounded in real and apparent needs are usually nowhere near the quality as their is rarely a good reason for them to be. They also tend to not be challenging, only gravitating to like-minds, whereas some of my closest parent friends believe radically different things about society, family, culture and politics, and ar radically diverse in ethnic or religious foundations; yet we connect on deeper level of the soul as we both share with on another our most deeply profound human connections.
Droning endless about ridiculous notions of "birth rates" of some ludicrous nation or its future culture, or incessant fears of futurity in mulling over future "suffering" ought to ultimately mean absolutely nothing to the question of whether or not someone would actually want children. Most people opine about their kid perhaps having to get a job one day... Do these people even philosophize about the problem of making money in ways that are pleasant? Have they never had a pleasant job? It's willfull, depressive or ignorant thinking and I am someone seeks pleasant workplaces above all and manage to find them easily enough... Also to an Epicurean.... Death ought to be Nothing to us and to raise a person to embody the telos as one does then to look upon a child living blessedly is always and will forever be enough for us. I live with my children in such a way that everyday was worth living.
My long time and committed lover just happened to have the substance of a great Mom and so having Children was more a shot at having deeply impactful relationships and nothing else beyond rising to the challenge of earning enough to have space to live and thrive was ever needing to be decided. From then on tending to their lives and our own through Epicurean philosophizing for the self (and not "Greece") and reasoning about pleasant living has always and ever been the parenting method... even for folks not particularly well off like ourselves. The Good is Easy to Get.
I used to be surprised that Epicureans considered friendship to be more natural than family relationships.
Later I understood what they meant. Genuine friendly affects and connections are ultimately the real bonds between people. A purely kinship relationship says nothing about mutual sympathy.
Example: There are relatives who have become more enemy than friend to each other.